Friday, September 3, 2010

[Fiction] Friday - #171 Albert is Dead

Ryan rolled over and kicked the sheets off his tired limbs. Feeling the lead in his legs as he sat wearily on the edge of the bed and clasped his head in his hands at the sound of King's bark. It was hard enough coping with being a single dad since Sophie died, but with their poor old dog continuing to bark because she had not come home from work, the pain was all the more intense.

The girls were coping well enough, in the resilient way of the very young. Ryan could not help but wonder how things would be for them as they grew older though, without their mother. He had no idea how he was going to cope once they reached their teens.
“King! King, knock it off” he yelled, and the dog finally came away from a fly screen door, padded down the hallway into his room and leapt heavily onto the bed beside him. “Good boy, good dog. There's a boy.” Ryan patted the big square head affectionately and found his tears flowing again.

“See you Mister Dunn” called Amy, their babysitter as she clattered out the front door. “Tomorrow” Ryan called back as the sound of flip-flops disappeared down the drive. "Afternoon shift isn't too bad" he thought, "at least it means I can spend more time with the girls in the daytime". Still, he really missed tucking them into bed the way he used to.

“Woof” said King, charging down the hallway again to scratch at the screen. He got up and followed King down the hall way shuffling his way past the kitchen door while rubbing his sore eyes. “Come on mate” Brian took the dog by the collar and lead him into the kitchen to make some breakfast, “thank God it's Friday”. Although with some reluctance Ryan remembered that he agreed to go to the local karaoke bar tonight with neighbours Marco and Alana Torreisis, and Linda, the quirky blonde from across the road.
Linda was sure she was being watched but continued the pretence of walking to the shops to please her husband and though it made her quiver with every fibre of her being, she went over her plans for the evening one more time. She felt bad involving poor Ryan like this, but there was no other way and her therapist assured that he would suffer no lasting damage. It it just had to be done. As she rounded the corner the police car door opened and she sat down into the back seat. The day had finally arrived and she would soon be free. She watched through a haze of tears as the SWAT team crept its way through the shrubbery toward her house, three officers splitting off from the rest of the team to approach the back.

There was a bang, and a flash followed by lots of shouting. Sounds of shelves falling over and a cascade of clattering plastic that she knew to be over 1000 DVDs. She could imagine them sliding like an avalanche across the floors. More shouting, then she heard Albert bellow like a bull in rage. The shouts rising to a crescendo followed by three very loud shots! Linda grabbed the door frame “Oh my God” she began to run.
“Missus, wait!” called the young officer behind her, but her mind was in a spin as she tore down the pavement. She stepped through the splinters of her smashed front door and pushed her way down the hall through the heaps of plastic canisters filled with years of receipts and other 'important' documents her husband hoarded. Everything was quiet in the house now but this made her even more afraid. “ Take him in for questioning” they said, “help us with our enquiries” they had said.

She rounded the corner into the kitchen and there was blood, frothing on his mouth, spattered across the wall and pooled like shiny resin flowing out across the vinyl. But worse, the stench of piss blending with the metallic tang of gunpowder and blood. The black-clad police standing guard and holstering weapons.

Sound of running. “Is everyone all right!” Ryan called pushing past the police, followed closely by King's shaggy form. “Holy shit” he exclaimed coming to an abrupt stop before the huge corpse. 
"Yes" said Linda in a daze. Before he could be stopped, King began lapping at the edge of the sticky pool. Linda collapsed into Ryan's arms.

Story inspired by the Fiction Friday response at


  1. What a weekend Albert is having! Grisly closing paragraph ... think that one's going to stick with me for awhile.

  2. Nicely done. Some very naturalistic dialogue there, intermixed with snippets of backstory, allowing the reader a glimpse into Brians life.

    Welcome - officially - to Friday Fiction Justyn!. I hope you come and play every week. remember to drop by to others sites and give them some constructive crit on their first drafts - as they will with yours.

    Albert gets 'his' in mine - but not sure by who....

  3. Welcome to Fiction Friday! Nice job on your first foray.

  4. Naughty puppy. Well done, like Annie, I enjoyed the glimpse into Ryan's life.

  5. A great story. I like how you've explored the thoughts of both Ryan and Linda. I'm a little curious as to what the SWAT team was after in gunning down Albert. Quite the air of mystery you've created.

  6. Yuck. What a harrowing final image. Great work!

    I always like hearing the other side of the story, so reading about Ryan was fun. I think saying how Linda involved Ryan needs to be a little more clear - why wouldn't she be worried about Marco and Alana if she's involving them too?

    Loved reading the story!

  7. I love how you chose the character with the barking dog to take a closer look at. Nicely done, and made Albert all the more despicable because of it. Loved the final imagery.

    Hope to see more of your work!

  8. A bit late, but welcome to Fiction Friday. This is a great first piece, and awesome final paragraph. Even if it totally grossed me out!